Monday, May 7, 2012

What's Up With What's Going Down.....

The only thing that makes me feel any better about being so absent from the blog is that (Praise the Lawd) my absence has nothing to do with falling off the wagon.

Two weeks ago my 92 yr. old Nana fell and has been in the hospital ever since.  Physically she is getting a little better but she is still experiencing a great deal of disorientation and confusion. She has always been a very zippy and spunky lady so seeing that sparkle flicker out a bit really makes me sad.  I spent the majority of last week in East TN visiting her.  For the first time since getting my band my weight loss made me sad.  My Nana's disorientation seems to be affecting her shorter term memories.  She has no problem recalling things that happened 5 years ago but 6 mos ago is a problem.  Despite being one of my biggest supporters in this process, my Nana doesn't remember or recognize me in my smaller body.  In her mind right now, I am 100lbs heavier.  It got to the point that it freaked her out so much when I told her who I was that just quit telling her.

Me with my Nana last year
As for the scale, it's inching down slowly.  I saw 181.6 this morning and that is my all time low.  While I will always take a loss, any weight loss I am experiencing is total fluke.  I am not focused on it at all.  I think I am in what could be called "Psuedo-maintenance"meaning I am pretty sure I am not at goal (even though I have no idea what goal is) but I am taking a planned break from active weight loss for a while.  I guess you could say that I have pulled the wagon onto the side of road for a while.

Right now, I am pretty focused and pre-occupied with the whole baby making process.  It's proving to be more challenging than just  "Insert tab A into slot B, mix ingredients, and bake for 9 mos till cute and cuddly." (What? You didn't already know that from my snarky and frustrated posts of late?)   It is requiring a lot of attention and focus that would have been otherwise reserved for my active weight loss and, quite frankly, I don't have the mental/ emotional stamina to do both.

So I am maintaining.  Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of aspects of my baby making efforts that go well with weight loss/maintenance like, eating a healthy, balanced diet and getting exercise. Although my focus is more on types of foods than calories eaten and moderate activity that keeps me moving rather than a working up a beastly sweat to burn off the pounds.

I AM reading everyone's blogs. I haven't been the best at commenting bc I have been limited to my iPad while traveling and for some reason Blogger makes it a pain in the ass to comment whilst on the iPad.  I spent almost a week out of town and several more days getting everything straightened back out at home when I returned.  I DID get to go to the Memphis Z00 as a chaperone for my school teacher sister-in-law's honor students.  It was really fun, especially the part where I walked the entire zoo like it weren't no thang.  (I will post pics soon.)




2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your Nana! That has to be so hard with her not remembering the skinnier you. I'll be praying for her.

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  2. I'm sorry to hear about your Nana. I'm very close with my Mema, and I could have written this exact same entry a month ago. I hope she gets to feeling better soon. :(

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