As most of y'all are aware, I am pretty preoccupied with getting pregnant (again). Actually, "preoccupied" is a bit of an understatement --- more like, totally consumed.
At this moment, I am in the throws of what the fertility crowd likes to call the Two Week Wait (2ww) i.e. the 2 weeks between dropping an egg and when TOM (hopefully doesn't) show(s) up.
It is also the period of time when you convince yourself that every cramp, twinge, burp, or fart means you are most DEFINITELY pregnant. I would like to say that I am sooooo above this, but, let's face it, I'm not.
If I were above all that I wouldn't have compulsively poked, pinched, and squeezed my boobies for the past week. (And that's not even counting the times I asked The Hubs to do it.) They are a slight bit tender but who knows, I have probably poked and prodded them into hurting OR it's just PMS. (Oh, and don't get me started on what bullshit it is that early pregnancy symptoms and PMS symptoms are basically the same!!!! )
I may or may not be checking my lady mucus every hour for clues like it's some kind of gynecological crystal ball. (Sorry for the TMI)
Of course, it also doesn't help that I am experiencing some unusual things right now too. For example, my band suddenly feels loose. This normally wouldn't set off such an alarm bell except for a) I always get super tight right before TOM (due Friday) and b) my band got really loose during the 4 weeks I was "pregnant" in January.
The other weird thing is that I have been having indigestion/heartburn since Friday. It's not reflux (before anyone freaks out a band complication) just a churning, acidic feeling in the lower portion of my stomach below my band. I haven't had anything like it since getting banded.
I am not nauseous, but I also didn't get nauseous in January either.
I haven't peed on a stick because I know it's just too early. If I get a + it will likely be so faint that I won't trust/believe it. If I get a - then I will just be more disappointed.
Of course, pregnancy websites/message boards are no help whatsoever since you can always find info that tells you what you wanna hear if you G**gle enough.
Honestly, I am not even sure why I am talking about this here other than hoping I can scrub it all from my brain. I really just want to get in my bed and sleep till Friday just so it won't dominate my every waking thought. This whole process has been very isolating for me since I have chosen keep the whole pregnancy/miscarriage/ trying to conceive situation to myself. I feel like the few friends that know are "over" hearing/talking about it or are so preoccupied with their own lives that my few attempts to reach out have been overlooked.
As much as REALLY need those friends to lean on, I don't want to have to beg a friend to be 'there' for me. I just need them to do it. (Gosh, that sounds so whiny and sniveling)
Well, there you have it. Your crazy supplement for the day (as if, y'all didn't have enough of your own!!)