Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Reason #54 Why Making Babies is Like Losing Weight

Difficulty getting pregnant and difficulty losing weight will make otherwise healthy, sane people beg their doctor to find something, anything wrong with them to explain why their bodies won't cooperate. 


I mean, really, how many times in my life long struggle with weight/weight loss did I have countless blood tests to check thyroid levels, hormone levels, etc in a desperate attempt to prove that something IS legitimately physiologically wrong me.  With every test, I hoped and prayed  that it would finally reveal that the failure was deep in the core of my body AND not deep in the core of my pathetic willpower or inability to change.  Of course, the tests always came back perfectly normal --- and I went back to hating myself for not being able to do something so simple that other people do all the time.

Now, that I finally have the upper hand in my struggle to lose weight, I catch myself feeling the same way about my current inability achieve/maintain pregnancy.   Unfortunately, most OB/GYNs will not explore or test fertility until after at least 1 year of active trying.   So here I am in limbo not knowing if I have a legitimate physical problem or just incapable of properly aligning with the moon and stars.  I don't know which is worse having to sit around for a year while something may be causing me to not get pregnant or getting tested now only to find out (like with my weight loss struggles) that I am perfectly fine and the only reason I can't seem to get pregnant is due to some shitty luck or karmic joke.  

Also, the fact that I ultimately had to get a Lapband (a significant medical intervention)  before I was able to have any measurable weight loss success (despite being otherwise "healthy") is fostering irrational fertility fears.  Even though everything I currently know of my reproductive health points to me having a perfectly healthy bajingo (aka lady business) I am terrified that I will, once again, be forced to utilize extreme medical intervention to make my body ACTUALLY do something that it should be perfectly capable of doing.  




4 comments:

  1. Aww, honey...you are putting so much pressure on yourself. Just because you have had some difficulty getting pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. I understand where you are coming from (I have PCOS and it took 2 years of trying for me to get pregnant with each of my children)...but since everything points to things being ok then you need to try to stop worrying (stress can negatively affect your ability to get pregnant)...((HUGS))

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  2. That is a good comparison that I have never thought about. But Vicky is right, that kind of pressure only makes it worse. Try to not let that worry you are just worry about the "making them" part. :) That's more fun.

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  3. It's heart breaking because you have to wait so long between tries but you never really expect to succeed at anything the first few times you try. 1 year is really only 12 goes and it takes more tries than that behind the wheel of a car to learn to drive. Have fun trying all the old wives tale tips though ;o)

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  4. I understand that "wait a year" before we'll bother to look at you dilemma, so if you want to take matters into your own hands, there's a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Wechsler (sp?) that gives great info on how to chart your cycles using temps and other fertility signs. Then when your year has gone by, if you haven't been successful yet, you'll at least have your monthly charts to take with you when you see your doc. The pattern in your charts can yield a lot of information about what's going on and the book teaches you how to chart and potentially how to understand what might be going on. I highly recommend it.

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