Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Wednesday with a Bullet

Here it is in bullet points:

* I have a fill appt.  on Friday.  They are making me see the Nutritionist also which means that the only appt I could get was at the same time as Zumba guru Maggie's Friday class.  So not only do have sit and let the Nutritionist talk to me like I am a 3 yr old for no reason, but I don't get to melt my face off with the best Zumba ever.

*I really don't like their Nutritionist bc she talks down to me every time I see her.  I just wanna say -  "Um, yeah, I am 2 yrs post op and -95lbs -- I think I have figured out the difference between a protein, carb, and fat."

* I have been in a hormone fueled blame/shame spiral of epic proportions.  I haven't wallowed in this much self-hate and loathing since before my band.

* Just how epic has your spiral been? Laying in my bed, in the dark, eating ice cream stuffed with cookies while drifting between crying and sleeping --  My awesomeness doesn't quit!!!  HA!!  

* I am overwhelmed with profound feelings of isolation and loneliness.

* Now that I just admitted to being the conductor on The Crazy Train --- who wants to be my roomie for BOOBs??  Anyone, anyone??

* ^^^ That is about the scariest thing I have done in a while.

* I have no shoes.  I purged a lot of shoes before I moved and now I have, like, 3 pair of shoes. On most days this isn't a problem bc I wear my runners most of the time but I can no longer deny my lack of footwear.  I am going shoe shopping -- it will either make me feel better or I will cry my way through that too.

* I really just wanna do this:


  1. Aaaawwww...things'll start looking up. You're doing great! Don't get bogged down.

  2. You have my can use it day or night.

    Do you see the nutitionist with the short red hair (forgot her name)? She is the one I have seen every time except one. She doesn't talk down to me, but she is the crazy one who told me to only eat 500 calories a day.

    It's been so warm in these parts this week that all you need is flip flops :)

  3. I doubt you'll cry through trying on footwear. It's pretty much the safest thing you have to try on!

  4. Aw, AJ - if I was going to BOOBS, I would TOTES be your roomy...I think I'm the co-conductor on your crazy train of awesome, I've been where you are, and I really get it. I'm so sorry you're going through this - I hate it when the people who are there to help us are the ones who actually make us feel like shit about ourselves. Its SO frustrating! And if we protest, we're seen as defensive and unreasonable. You are going through alot, you are processing alot, and you are doing the best you can with what you have...just keep on keeping on. And I agree with Ronnie - shoe shopping is the one thing that won't make you cry! Sending you hugs, lovey...

  5. Awww chin up:) I love shopping shopping, I bet that will cheer you up and if not head to the purse department!

  6. Retail therapy is great... No crying through that hehe!

  7. I can relate to being where you are.

    I think it's important to remind yourself that as abnormal as it seems, it's normal sometimes.(or either we're both crazy, lol)

    But sometimes we just have to regroup. Think of what you can do and give yourself credit for good things you are doing. :)


  8. when hormones are involved, there are no holds barred for what enters your mouth, and you have no obligation to be accountable for that which does. That's rule #8679234 in the "being a woman sucks, so suck it" code of conduct, don'tchyakno?! ;)

    this, too, shall pass sweetie. till then, try and be kind to yourself...

  9. I am with Trisha....if you are emotional then calories don't count! We can dream, huh?

  10. Omg...I hope I get to meet you in Chicago! I'm still working out the details to see if I can go, but I'm leaning towards it. I can't commit fully yet, but I might be able to room with you!

  11. *" I have been in a hormone fueled blame/shame spiral of epic proportions. I haven't wallowed in this much self-hate and loathing since before my band. "--ME TOO!