Monday, January 2, 2012

Psssst..........Can You Keep A Secret???? Me either.

First things first, I had a great NYE.  I felt great. I got told I looked great.....a lot!!  I set out with the best intentions to get lots of pictures now that I am not afraid of the camera but constant photo snapping still feels odd to me so these are all I got.

This was our whole group right after midnight.  I had already had a couple 4 glasses of wine. You can tell by my belly pooch that I was hella relaxed!! Ha! 

Do You Have The Secret? 

Lap Band Gal posted this  in which she asked if any of us out here in blogland felt as though we had the "secret" to weight loss? To which I thought in my head "Ummm, hells yeah!!!"  The secret for me was ......wait for it....... I cannot do this [i.e. lose a life changing amount of weight] alone.  Oh, I have full faith that I can do this but I now realize that I can't do this all by myself.

I often joke that my "Moderator Switch" [you know, the switch in your head that says 'Hey, you can ease up on the cheese fries because believe it or not you are full AND you have had plenty of food today AND this isn't last day cheese fries will exist on this planet.']  is broken and that is why I need the LapBand.  I am not sure if it was broken over time after being ignored and abused or if it was faulty when it was installed at the factory but either way the damn thing doesn't work. I felt like the human equivalent to the busted, dirty ass car that's rolling down the freeway making rumbling sounds and blowing black, stinking smoke from the exhaust.  That car is running, it's getting from Point A to Point B but it's obvious something is not functioning properly.   So I got a LapBand and for the first time, in a long time I don't feel broken.  Now I feel like a zippy, shiny sports car that has been freshly tuned up.  So, yeah, I do feel like I have the secret.

Can You Keep The Secret??

Well, I can't.  Just an FYI - I am terrible at keeping secrets and it pisses me off when people ask me to keep them.  And the last secret I want to keep is that of my LapBand.  Honestly, I want to tell everyone.   But here's the thing... not everyone wants to know the secret.

Right now, I have about 4 people in my life who I feel would benefit from the LapBand. 2 of these 4 people are a married couple who The Hubs and I count as our oldest and best couple friends.   They totally used to be our partners in crime --  the 4 of us could pig out and lay around with the best of them.   Then The Hubs and I got our LapBands and things have been weird ever since.

This is difficult for me because with every pound I lose I feel the divide between us getting wider and wider. Our lives has changed so dramatically......for the better. I want that for my friends because they deserve it!!  We deserve to be active, healthy, and  awesome together.  I have traded my All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet for a double scoop of Zumba class and I feel amazing for it.  I want them to have that too!!  However, if were to even

The hardest part is that I know they feel terrible mentally, emotionally, physically.  I can see it in the way they carry themselves; I can hear it in their voices when they talk about all the aspects of their lives that disappoint them.  These are all subtle clues that that you can only recognize when you have been there.  You can only see this when you have felt like crap day in and day out and you can only hear the disappointment when you have felt like a failure at life.    I wish, wish, wish that I could magically let them experience how great we get to feel everyday.

The problem is I can't say anything because no matter what I say all they will hear is "We are skinny, cool, and awesome now and you aren't good enough for us unless you get skinny, cool and awesome too!!"  They won't believe how much better we feel --- they will swear it's just all that skinny people sugar-free Kool-Aid we drank.  But in their minds they don't need LapBands because they "don't need to conform to society's idea of beauty" and they " get around pretty good for someone of their size" and
"they don't eat THAT much it's just ____________ (insert blame free excuse here)". But honestly, I don't know how much longer I can go without saying anything.  I don't know how much longer I can go watching them abuse themselves with food and inactivity.

So how do you do it?  How do you look your best friends in the face and say "Y'all need an intervention."  Or better yet, how do you keep the secret when all you want to do is scream it from the rooftops??


  1. Thought provoking post. Wow. God I don't know how I'd deal with this. I can't wait to see the comments.

  2. I feel you on screaming it to everyone. At least thats how I felt in the beginning, until I had major off points d/t other issues. But now that I'm learning to get it back together, I'm hesitate... I'm sure once I get it together, I'll want to scream it. But all you can do is live by example... plus these people knew you when you were bigger, they should love you no matter what size and know that you come to them with good intentions for their own well being. And if they can't accept that... it should really make you question how great of a relationship you had. I hope you can talk with them openly as friends should...

  3. what i can relate this post with is the feeling i have toward a coworker of mine that has an abusive, unemployed, hyppocrite of a husband. that she makes excuses for all the time. and it frustrates me SO freaking much because I just want to rip her out of her body and say "LOOK! LOOK at what everyone else sees!" - because nothing else works. Talking to her about it she just views you as someone trying to act better than her and judging her, when in reality that is SO far from the truth. It's just like you're speaking of with your friends - such a blatant denial of reality. It makes me so sad, and MAD. Because she doesn't have to live like this, but she refuses to face the truth long enough to know there's other options....

  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  5. I was on the receiving end of the "intervention" from one of my bff's. She never once made me feel like she was judging me or being critical. I knew she was coming from a place of love and concern for me.

    You looked great on NYE! You have such a big, beautiful smile!!

  6. Oh, this is a tough one. I am sure that they see the changes that WLS surgery did for you. If they know you had one inserted, I am sure they can't miss the benefits. My guess is, that they are not there yet; maybe they never will be. I think anyone that commits to WLS has to get there on their own.
    I am sure I will be in the minority with this point of view. But honestly, if someone had suggested surgery before I realized myself that I needed it- I would have been insulted.
    Now, if they are not aware of your surgery, yes, tell them and let them think about all it has done for you and your health.

  7. First, you looked beautiful on NYE...but, you always look beautiful!

    Oh, this is hard. I really think you can not help people who do not want to help themselves. You can scream and use intervention but until they are tired of carrying the extra pounds your voice will not be heard. It is just hard to watch people do down in a sinking ship.

  8. First off ~ you look great!
    Second off ~ I agree - you cant change people who aren't ready. That said, there are many times when I walk around and see really big people that I want to hand them my dr's card and tell them they can live better. But again ~ I had to hit rock bottom to get where I am. And I tell everyone I have the lapband ~ even people I don't know. It just comes out....

  9. looked gorgeous on NYE!

    This is so hard. My mom and sister are in this same position. I think the person has to be mentally ready for it. My sister saw that progress I was making and it inspired her to do something. But I know if I would have brought it up to her she wouldn't have wanted to do it and probably would have been too stubborn, but she saw the benefits and decided on her own.

    My mom really needs to lose weight too and she just decided to start eating healthy. She can't afford lap-band and doesn't have insurance but I'm so glad she's finally making steps to get healthier.

    I guess I would say that you could say something, but they probably already know and it's something that they are going to have to be ready for and decide on their own. Hopefully they will see you and your hubby and eventually be motivated do so something for themselves.

  10. I'm not your friends KNOW you have the lapband or do they just see you losing weight? If they don't know about the WLS, then I'd start with saying something like "We feel bad that we've been keeping something from you and here it is" but if they already know about it, then your results speak for themselves and they're just not ready for it. Good luck!