Wednesday, January 4, 2012

If You Are Looking For The End....It Doesn't Exist

So I have a lot of things tumbling around in my head.  One thing that has been kicking around my noggin is a comment exchange that I had on FB last night with a friend of a friend, let's call her Laura*.  Laura, just so happens to be bff with my friend Terri*, the wife in the couple I discussed here

Laura has been perpetually on Weight Watchers for what seems like the past 2+ yrs.  While she has had some weight loss progress, she appears to struggle with the yo-yo effect.  And once again, it makes me sad for her because she obviously has dedication and desire but she is fighting against all those factors that we have all fought against.  Now, I have to give my personal opinion of Laura.  I am not especially fond of her. I politely tolerate her because she is very important to Terri, but I personally think that she hasn't always been the best kind of friend to Terri.  

[Terri has struggled with infertility and is basically like an Aunt to Laura's 2 kids --  Terri and her husband are very attached to the kids and Laura has used the kids as pawns to manipulate Terri on more than one occasion. So, yeah, my opinion of Laura is somewhat biased. I have generally found Laura to be pretty judgmental and very passive-aggressive.] 

So this was Laura's FB status last night:

"Trying to get back on track. Ate much better today and worked out while watching (Son)'s basketball practice. Just need to make this a habit. Gotta get back on track. Lost momentum. 2012 is my year to get this weight off! I'm determined. :)"

We have all said it, hell, some of us just got done saying it, like, 5 minutes ago.  However, is it just me or does it take someone who has struggled with weight for a lifetime to read between the lines that maybe she isn't 100% convinced that she will be successful. Maybe I am injecting too many of my own bias toward Laura into the context?  I don't know.  

I commented with this:  

"While I know that everyone has to take road that is right for them, the day I got my LapBand ranks as one of the best days of my life. It has made my life better in more ways than I can count."

I wanted to start a dialogue.  I wanted her to know that I am open and willing to talk about LapBand and all the pros/cons.  I also wanted to point out that I have lost 90 lbs in the time it took her to lose and gain 30lbs multiple times.  Not because I am somehow better, but because I finally got the right tool.  It's like we are both trying to build an out-of-the-box bookshelf.  The only difference is, she is using a butter knife and I managed to get my hands on the power drill.  Can she build the bookshelf with the butter knife -- absolutely!!  However it's prolly gonna take a loooong time and who knows how sturdy it will be when she gets it put together.  My bookshelf will take far less time to build and is probably gonna be quite a bit more sturdy when it is all said and done.  Once again, not because I am any better or possess any great carpentry skills -- I just have the right tool.  

This was her response:  

 "AJ, you and [Hubs] have done wonderful! Im so glad that the LapBand has worked for you guys. You both look amazing. I've chosen a different road, but same result. I can't wait to finish my journey. Thanks for the encouraging words."

Okay, so on the surface it has a polite enough "Thanks, but No Thanks" vibe about it.  And, once again, I know I am injecting my bias, but I felt a definite tone of "Well, I am choosing to lose weight the real way and not take the easy way out." Maybe it's all in my head ---  maybe it's not fair of me to ask y'all to comment on someone you don't know.  

There was one statement that really stuck out to me and made me question if she really will be able to achieve long term success.  When she says " I can't wait to finish my journey."  That is when the sirens and bells went off in my head.  She doesn't get it ---- the journey is never really over.  That is how we have all lost and gained so many pounds in the past before we realized that we needed something more.  We needed a tool to help us on this journey --- we need the motherscratchin' powerdrill.   Before my band I used to think that there was a finish line.  It was located just past my goal weight -- once I reached goal weight I could stop, relax, breath ---- do anything but worry about my weight.   Of course while I was doing all that stoppin', relaxin', and breathin', I would be packing the weight back on. 
I can only hope that she bucks the odds and is wildly successful with WW or someday finally realizes that the journey never ends and she needs the damn power drill.  

*Names have been changed


  1. I think you read the "thanks but no thanks" vibe correctly but I don't think she means she's doing it the "real way" or anything else like that. I think just as you wouldn't want to be judged for having WLS, she doesn't want to be judged for NOT having it. That's just my opinion. Not knowing this woman or other things she might've said about WLS, I can't really say for sure. I think those of us who have success with WLS fight the urge to recommend it for everyone but honestly, it just isn't FOR everyone. You have to be ready to make the commitment necessary when you do something like this and for some people, they either can't emotionally, financially, or mentally deal with WLS.

  2. I think Manda nailed it right on the head. I sometimes feel judged by people for having WLS, too... but I don't think she was trying to judge you. In fact, she seemed really supportive!

    I know how it can seem like a person's saying something they're not, but I say just take it at face value.

    Also, I'm sure she does realize the journey's never done... but maybe she just means the losing part. After all, maintenance is going to be a whole 'nother beast!

  3. Wow! You have really been in my head the last two days with your posts. You are so right by saying our journeys are never over. Maintenance is a scary thing! We all know how to lose but maintaining is a different ball game. I hope my tool helps me win that battle! I definately wouldn't want to be the one holding the butter knife :)

  4. i can see both views of this... and i am not sure which side my coin is going to land....

    i am with brenda in that i've really loved your posts lately, very thought provoking, and i love that... i don't get much mental stimulation these days! lol

  5. so glad I happened to come across this's hard because you know this woman and maybe can read between the lines...I agree with what's been said so far...I've had 'friends' like this and I've let them go because I'm trying to fill my life with supportive people. I do like your point that there is no finish line...I'm at the beginning...well rally the middle of this journey....I've tried the weightloss stuff over and over again and now plan on using VSG (this summer, knock on wood) to help. I understand I will have to have a life long struggle of being hyper-vigilant to lose and keep off the weight.

    Anyhow nice post, love your blog :D

  6. Yeah I wouldn't read to much into this. The thing is everyone has to do what's right for them and it seems like maybe she hasn't figured out what that is yet.

    It's so true what you said about there not being a finish line. I'm still trying to drill that fact in my head every day. I think that will help you to be more successful when you truly get that it's not just a diet until you lose all the weight.