Thursday, December 29, 2011

Word Up!!! 2012 Style

Since all the cool kids* are doing it, I wanted to play along with choosing my word for 2012.
Speck, Rockband BarbieAndrea, Gator Girl, Ronnie, VickyD, Dawnya, LapBandGal

But first, take a listen to this little gem, and just try to keep your ass in your seat -- I dare you. 

You couldn't do it, could you?  Now that errbody got their exercise, let's get wordy.  

My word for 2012 is:  Refine 

refine [rɪˈfaɪn]   vb
  • to make or become free from impurities; purify
  • to improve (upon) by making subtle or fine distinctions
  • to make or become free from coarse characteristics; make or become elegant or polished** 

 ** The 3rd definition will be ignored --  I am anything but polished or elegant and I can give up many things but my 'coarse characteristics' are not negotiable.

I am nothing short of stunned and amazed at the improvements I have made in my life in the almost 2 years since I got my band.  There are times when I really can't believe it especially considering that this time last year I wondered if I was gonna be a LapBand fail.  I had lost around 40 lbs and I was 3 months into a 6 month plateau.   I spent a couple months worrying that I was gonna be one of the people who lost a few pounds but never got anywhere near anything that resembled a goal. 

I had taken a trip to Crazytown.  Fortunately, thanks to The Hubs' refusal to let me wallow, it was only a vacation not a full blown relocation.  It took me some time to get my head "right" when it came to my goals. 

When I started this journey, I couldn't fathom a world where I weighed less than 140 lbs, (incidentally, this is what I would need to weigh to have a normal BMI). I just told myself that if I could get below 200 lbs, that would be fine.  I also told myself that if I could shop in regular stores, that would be fine.  I told myself that if I could just exercise a few days a week, that would be fine.   This year I managed to meet all these goals this year and it was fine --- for a minute. 

Then I started to reconsider what I thought was just fine.  The scale didn't stop moving when I hit 199 lbs so I thought "Maybe losing 100 lbs is more doable than I thought?" so I set my sights on the century mark. (BTDubs, I am 5.8lbs away from this goal at this moment.)   I didn't fall out when I added my 4th, 5th....8th Zumba class to my weekly workout schedule so I thought, "Maybe I could be all fitness-y and stuff?" so I am getting focused on running.  

I will admit I had hoped to have reached the 100 lbs lost goal by the end of this year, but it's okay that I most likely won't [unless I am plagued with the stomach flu between now and Saturday   --- Oh please, Lawd, know that I am kidding].  But when I reconsidered where I am with this goal I decided that this most definitely IS  fine -- know why?    Because I spent November moving/unpacking my new house then December was Christmas Craziness and in the midst of this I managed to lose/keep off 8 lbs all while enjoying Christmas tidings without emotional food turmoil.  

I still want to see a 100 lb loss and I have a sneaking suspicion that when that goal is met I will reconsider what is fine for me.....again. I can finally wrap my brain around a world with a 140 lb me in it [whether I will choose to pursue that goal remains to be seen, but it no longer seems like some alternate reality universe a la Fringe]. 

I already feel like I am LapBand success.  I am content with my weight loss and my accomplishments.  I can be happy here -- but I want to refine.   I want to take something that is good and make it just a little bit better. I want to modify habits that are already so much healthier and make them even healthier-er.  I want to continue to change small things that add up to an even more purified, fantastic version of something that is already pretty great.   

As I move through this year, I want to reconsider what is fine then refine it to its very best. 

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Very NSV Christmas

Christmas is D-U-N, done!

The circumstances with my Granddad aside, Christmas was pretty good.  We spent Christmas Eve with the Hub's extended family and then Christmas Day with my in-laws. I got the gel nail polish kit I have been lusting after.  Plus,  I got some really great clothing pieces and I got a new winter coat which I desperately needed.  Xmas NSV #1- I am finally wearing Misses size clothes verily and truly (Most tops I wear Large, even a Medium from time to time and pants I am still rocking the Misses 14) which means that friends and family are no longer scared to give me clothing gifts.  They can give me clothes and there is a pretty good chance it's gonna fit.  

My MIL pulled off the biggest Christmas coup this year by getting iPads for myself, the Hubs, and his sister.  We totes thought we were the Christmas badasses by getting her a Kindle Fire.  I think my MIL was just was pretty stoked to see her 30+ yr old kids running around the house like this:

This Christmas was our first truly financially secure Christmas in a very long time.  This was the first year that I felt able to purchase and give gifts without stressing and panicking and freaking out--- it was very nice.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't go all Oprah's favorite things and buy for every person I have ever met. We still kept most of our non-immediate family gift giving to homemade treats and trinkets. I want them to know that I am thinking of them but I don't want to create a situation where everyone feels obligated to spend money and buy stupid stuff just because.  I feel that gift giving gets really out of hand really fast in many cases if someone isn't willing to set some boundaries.  I think Sheldon explains the stresses of gift giving quite well in the video.

The food/eating/band situation was equally good, also no stressing, panicking, and freaking out. Xmas NSV #2- For the first time in my life I don't feel disordered about food and eating --- even when I am not 100% bandster perfect, especially when I am not 100% bandster perfect.  I have become weirdly zen and rational about my eating habits and that, in and of itself, is the best Christmas gift ever.

I ate basically whatever I wanted and how much I wanted (I mean, within the limits of the band of course.)  BTDubs--am I the only one who has noticed how many traditional Southern Christmas foods are particularly slider-riffic!!     That being said -- I ate too much. Not only did I eat quite a lot-- it was all creamy, starchy, mushie, buttered, sweet, deliciousness.  But guess what?!?!?!   I didn't feel guilty or bad or beat myself up. Just because I know this is not my everyday diet; this was a special occasion.  Pretty much all of the foods that I indulged in are only consumed once a year.  

I did start to "feel icky" yesterday but it wasn't the emotional "I am such a horrible bandster and I hate myself for eating all that"  icky it was actual physical icky ---which was great too because it was my body saying "Okay, I love dressing, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, and Oreo casserole as much as you do but, seriously, lady I think we are done --  can I get a chicken breast with some broccoli?"  Xmas NSV #3-  I have been living on healthful, nutritious food long enough that my body actually craves it and I can tell the difference when I don't get it.  

One of my major goals when I started my LapBand journey was to whip my attitude into as good of shape as my ass.  While I am definitely pleased with the progress my ass has made--- my attitude is 10x better.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

10 Things Thursday - Missing In Action Edition

What better way to catch up after an extended absence than breaking it down 10 Things Thursday style?!?!  Courtesy of Laura Belle 

1)  I have been absent from my blog for way too long.  I got distracted by moving and by the time the house was fully disinfected and all the boxes were unpacked the Christmas Crazies were in full swing.  Just getting my Christmas tree put up was a clusterfornication of epic proportions.  Two trees, four days, and re-lighting a supposedly "pre-lit" tree I finally got it finished and here's proof:  

2) My Granddad is terminally ill.  He has decided to go home for his final days.  There is more to this story and I tried to write it out here but when I got to the 3rd sub-point I kinda figured it needs it's own post. :-/

3) By some cosmic miracle my weight is holding steady.  I am not eating well and I am not exercising like I would like to be.  Honestly, I don't get it, but I am grateful as all hell.  (There is an expanded post here too.) 

4) Speaking of exercise, I am struggling to find a good outlet.  The Zumba in this part of the world seriously leaves a lot to be desired.  I know I am a Zumba snob and I was spoiled by my awesome, challenging instructors in the big city.  I also have only ONE gym in my town.  Their fees are redonkulous and their facilities are pretty limited and they require a contract ---  I am just not geeked about the whole thing.  

5) Since the Zumba is so abysmal in this town I am toying with the idea of getting certified to teach Zumba and it scares the panties right offa me.  

6) I finally got a replacement wedding ring set since I can no longer wear my actual wedding set.  It's Diamonesque or Diamonelle or whatever but it's big, gaudy, and totally blingtacular and I LURVE it!!!  

7)  I am having a bit of a bloggers etiquette quandry. I really wish there was an Emily Post for blogging so she could tell me if what I am feeling is legit or if I am getting my thong in wad for no good reason.   

8) While it may seem like I have been completely MIA --- I have been reading everybody's posts.  I haven't been commenting enough.  I always feel compelled to say something significant especially if it's a post where someone has totally spilled their guts, but too often I haven't had time or mental strength to say anything of real quality.  

9) I haven't wrapped any of my Christmas presents yet.  I hate wrapping presents because I am terrible at it.  Seriously, a drunk pre-schooler could do a better job.  

10) Here are some pics from Christmas 2010 versus Christmas 2011 (taken a couple days ago): 

2010 (L)     2011 (R)
What a difference a 100+ Lbs. makes? 

Friday, December 2, 2011

Secret Santa Fail!!!!!!!

UGH!!!  Just realized that, while I expressed my interest to participate in the comments, I failed to send in my info for Secret Santa. In the midst of the move I totally forgot and I am inordinately upset about it.  Soooooooo no Secret Santa for me-- wonderful.   Apparently bad timing is the theme of my blog existence.  Too late for BOOBS 2.0, too late for Secret Bandit, and now, too late for Secret Santa.

This month has really taken it's toll on me ---- I am exhausted, tired of eating junk, and tired of not working out, and generally tired of  effin' with crap in this house.

I almost had a total meltdown in Walmart because, despite searching at almost 10 different grocery stores, I have been unable to find Lay's Kettle Cooked Salt & Vinegar Potato Chips.   I don't eat chips very often since having the band, but I LURVE these chips.  When TOM is right around the corner and I get the serious PMS carbo-cravings this is what does it for me.   Usually I buy a bag, snack on them for a couple days and I am totally good.  However, not being able to find them has made me freakishly obsessed with them-- and no other brand will satisfy me.    A handful of these chips with a tall glass of buttermilk will soothe most of my carb craving hormonal demons.

GAAAAHHHHH!!  I am so cranky!!!! *stopping before I go full bitch*