Tuesday, October 4, 2011

A Burp Is A Wish Your Pouch Makes

Confession:  I love potty humor.  I am such a dude in that respect.  I think that some of this is due, in part, to being an only child.  I divided my childhood being my Mom's girly-girl and the son my Dad never had.  My relationship with my Dad helped me cultivate an appreciation for a well-timed belch and/or fart.
Bodily functions are not only hilarious ('cause really, everybody does it so you might as well find the humor in it. I have NEVER understood people who are crazy uptight over their bodily functions.) but sometimes they just feel really good.  I always knew this was true. I mean, really, who hasn't had at least one life alteringly delightful poop? Fortunately for you guys, poop is not the topic of the day. Eventually it will be though, because, you know, everybody poops.
The topic of the day is burping, belching, mouth farts, whatever.  Everybody burps, seriously y'all, but having a LapBand takes it to a whole new level.   Before the LapBand, I only thought that a burp could feel good.  I recognize that I may be alone in this (since life with LapBand is so unique to each bandster) but these days I am capable of belches that are nothing short of multi-orgasmic especially when they originate from my lower stomach.   I will also admit that often times these heavenly burps are a result of pushing one of the many limits of the Band, be it eating a little too much or maybe partaking of carbonated drinks (which I rarely do anymore but I do have a weakness for ginger ale)  or some carbohydrate overload.  Although sometimes my burp-gasm comes from guzzling down a ton of water during my workout. (BTW, I can still guzzle water and drink from a straw.)  Wherever they come from or whatever the cause, they. feel. A-MAH-ZING!
Despite, the pleasure I have derived from all this burpiness it definitely has its less than pleasurable element.  For example, I realized that burps cannot be trusted and must be attempted in private because burps can turn into "productive burps" with absolutely no notice at all.  Even better is opening my mouth to speak and, before I can utter a word, a super loud burp escapes from my mouth (I wish I could say that this only happened once, but I can't-- I don't even want to talk about how many times this has happened.)  Am I alone in this?  Has this happened to you guys?


  1. Thanks for visiting my blog! I am totally with you on this! I am one of those who have always been a little uptight about bodily functions but it's only because my hubby is like the farting champion of the world. Eeeewww... but since being banded, I burp often, I burp loud and I burp long. And it really does feel good but sometimes can happen at the most inopportune moment.

    P.S. Love your blog!

  2. Hey, new follower! MandaPanda sent me over - you. are. hysterical! Come visit me, if you like at www.canuckbanditmusings.blogspot.com - and welcome to blogland - we're happy you're here!!

  3. Hi! I'm just now reading your blog from the beginning. My OCD doesn't let me only read recent posts so I'm in for the long haul now. Burping with the LapBand is amazing! When I first had it done they would just randomly escape and be so loud and long that there was no denying that I just belched. And since I work in a cube, all of my coworkers are lucky enough to experience this with me! Yay for us all! Over a year out now, I don't get those wonderful lower belly burps as much :(